Dimension Crash
by DetectiveSilence
Summary: Basically crack but with grammar, spelling, and a reason! The TARDIS is falling through dimensions, with the Doctor, Sherlock, and John aboard! A tribute to all those amazing people on FF. You all rock. Hilarity and adventure and bits from other shows inside - including random ships from other shows. Guest appearance by Sebby, Castiel and Marvin the paranoid android!


**Hello Ladies and Gentlemen and other Life Forms!  
****This was originally the start of a Star Trek: Into Darkness/Doctor Who/Sherlock crossover, but the weird dimensional stuff got a little out of hand... so there's no actual Star Trek here, sorry guys.  
****This is a thanks to all those people out there who've helped me. I've mentioned a lot of them in this story, because they're all awesome. Thank you guys!  
****Also I'm sorry if I missed anyone, it's insane the amount of stuff that I had to mention.**

**This is basically crack, but with proper grammar and spelling and a logical reason. I'm blaming it all on falling through dimensions guys!**

**RATED: T for my own paranoia, again. Sorry. And one use of bad language.  
WARNING: Contains much crazy dimension stuff, awesome FF users, guest appearances, cake, and one use of bad language that was not my fault. Bad fanfiction user! Bad fanfiction name!**

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The TARDIS tumbled and tumbled and twisted and turned. It hurtled towards the time vortex and ripped itself apart. Lights danced and sound pirouetted as the TARDIS slipped through a rip in the universe and came to an almighty stop. The TARDIS smouldered and groaned in complaint, but was happy to rest for now in the spaceship it had landed in. The spaceship was warm and safe and complex and big and connected, and it was called the Enterprise.

* * *

"Sherlock! What have you done!?"

"I didn't do anything!"

"Sherlock!"

"I didn't do anything! The ship just started up!"

"Sherlock!"

"It wasn't me!"

"Sherlock!"

The TARDIS spun 180 degrees, and Sherlock held on to the railings for dear life. The Doctor held on to the control panel, his floppy hair sticking up due to the new direction of gravity. This was indeed unusual.

"Can't you stop it?"

"No! You did it!"

"No I didn't! Where are we going Doctor?"

The Doctor looked up (or down) at the scanner. "We seem to be" he paused as he pushed a couple of buttons on the screen "Falling through the time vortex – although that can't be right. I think the scanner has malfunctioned."

The TARDIS lurched again, and there were crashes coming from the other rooms.

"John!?" Sherlock called, trying to keep a grip on the smooth railing he was holding on to.

"I'm fine! It's just the watermelons!" A far off call replied. Sherlock frowned.

"The watermelons!?" Sherlock asked. What had the watermelons done to cause such a noise?

"Yeah! They sort of just… exploded!" John replied.

"_What_?!" Sherlock asked again. How had the watermelons just _exploded?_

"Never mind!" John told him, his voice further away. Sherlock hoped he would be okay. The TARDIS was a confusing place, and the fact that it had sentient didn't always help.

The TARDIS lurched again, and time and space suddenly became distorted. The whole of creation flattened out, curled in on itself tighter and tighter until it resembled some sort of Martian-Alaskan snail. A torpedo came out of nowhere and impacted creation, but it turned out just to be an inflatable and it promptly deflated and turned into jello.

"Doctor Cat, what happened?" Sherlock asked, straining to be heard above the roar of space and time going to the bar and getting drunk.

Doctor Cat checked the (now working) scanner again, and looked back at Sherlock with his purple eyes and floppy, multi-coloured hair.

"We seem to be falling through dimensions!" Doctor Cat said, blinking his pretty purple eyes in surprise. He looked over again at Sherlock, who was floating some three imperial jump-steps away. Sherlock was now a barista, and a good one at that, and deduced instantly what type of coffee Doctor Cat wanted. But before he could produce such coffee, his barista-ness vanished and he was wearing a tweed jacket and bow-tie.

"Doctor Cat, what the wibbly-wobbly-whatsit is happening!?"

"We seem to be corresponding to whatever universe we happen to pass through. For instance, you were the 13th Doctor, but now you are a consulting wizard. Wow, a consulting wizard in the TARDIS! Never had that before!"

"What universe do you suppose this is?" Sherly asked, inspecting her fingernails, which were bright red.

"Dunno, something sky-potish, possibly nataly-like. Yes, I think a Nataly-Sky-Pot description works quite well." The Doctor, for he was now the Doctor, suddenly paused. "Ah, we now seem to be somewhere Syblime."

"Doctor, I don't think you spelled it right."

"How could you possibly know I spelled it wrong if I said it?"

"I think 49478 knows." Sherly said.

"Who's 49478?"

"Don't know. It doesn't say." Sherly said.

Sherly then stopped talking, as she had become an otter. He, for he was now a male, sniffed his little nose in annoyance.

"You remind me a bit of Sherlotterlocked. Wonderful person, wonderful reviewer - worth their weight in fanfiction." The Doctor told him.

Sherlock the otter squeaked.

"What, the name badge? It says 'Ballykissingangel'."

Sherlock the otter squeaked again.

"What? No, I'm not Ballykissingangel! And I'm not some sort of Christmas Serial Killer either. God, where do you get these ideas from?"

Sherlock pointed his little paws at another doctor, who had just appeared in the TARDIS.

"Swiggidy swoo, who are you?" The older twelff Doctor asked the new doctor, who was looking around the TARDIS in awe.

"..."

The eleventh and a half Doctor frowned at the odd person, but just as he was about to open his mouth to ask a question, there was a strange, cranberry smelling puff of smoke, and there was no one there. He turned around, and suddenly, a large rainbow cake with the words 'Read Breathe by MissPond7!' written on it with icing appeared and flew into the Doctor's face, cream and different coloured bits of sponge going everywhere.

"NO! MY CAKE!" Mycroft screamed in terror, before Lestrade appeared from behind him and enveloped him in a bear-hug. They both swirled into the darkness, so it was like they had never been there.

"Really, Sherlock, there is no pleasing some people. Riddell is_ especially_ hard to please." The Doctor said, annoyance clear in his voice, as he pulled his Master action figure from his pocket and used the tiny laser screwdriver that came with the model to blast a crumb from the cake into fairy dust.

Sherlock squeaked again, moving his paws away from the blast, before being consumed in a sparkly deep purple-orange-octarane light, and then emerging as Sherlock. He then suddenly started screaming.

"Sherlock! Sherlock! What's wrong!?" the Doctor asked, worry in his voice.

"I'M GINGER!" Sherlock exclaimed, pulling his curls in front of his face and then screaming when he saw that they were still ginger.

"THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING GINGER!" the Doctor shouted.

"MAYBE NOT, BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO MY DRAMATIC RAVEN CURLS!? THEY'RE GONE!" Sherlock shrieked.

"Well actually they're not, they're staring you in the face." The Doctor pointed out. Sherlock squinted at his hair, and then took a mirror out of his hat and examined his hair. His hair was, in fact, brown again, the same deep, almost ebony shade that he prided himself on.

"Oh, thank goodness for that. Not that I was panicking or anything." Sherlock said. He put the mirror back in his hat and played with the orange flower behind his ear.

"Really?" The Doctor said, unimpressed with Sherlock's attempt to appear in control of the situation as a bowl of petunias appeared behind him and floated around, laughing at gravity and its lack of control. A book on 'What could have happened' by Arty Diane scowled at the petunias, who quickly shut up.

"And I suppose, that you don't… oh, I don't know… panic when someone teleports, or anything like that…" The Doctor said, a smirk on his lips. Sherlock glared at him, but only because the Doctor had hit a nerve.

A robot randomly appeared, and although it was in fine condition, it held itself in a way that spoke undertones of neglect and sorrow. A Dalek came along, except it was pink and sparkly and it was wearing a tiara.

"EXTERMINATE!" It roared to the little robot.

"Don't talk to me about exterminate!" The robot said, and both robots floated into a 60's wormhole, complete with flashing lights and a live Monkees gig. A mysterious voice came over the speaker.

"This is an announcement for Irena-Lyre. Could said person please pick up the award for 'potentially benefiting some currently unknown reader' at the check-out now. Mr A Crowley is getting impatient."

The Doctor shook his head. "Really, must they use my speakers? They are mine, after all." He looked at the original copy of 'The Adventures of being Sherlock Holmes's Other Half' by Arthur Canon Doile.

"I believe LunarCatNinja requested this book, but it seems to have appeared here by mistake."

Sherlock stared at the Doctor, before deciding to look at something less impossible. He looked at Sebastien.

"Oh, hi Sebby."

"Don't 'hi Sebby' him! He's mine!" Moriarty shouted from across the room, where he was teasing Cas.

"Well you seem pretty happy teasing Castiel over there. What does Sebby even do?"

"He shoots people I don't like, like _you_. Now hands off."

"Hands off? You're one to talk, all you're doing is harassing Castiel." Sherlock said.

"Can I leave now? Dean is probably waiting for me." Cas managed to say, looking at Moriarty with fear.

"Yes." Sherlock moved Moriarty to the side so that it was only him and Cas talking. "And Dean reproaches your feelings Cas. You don't have to be afraid."

"I don't believe he does love me back. I have tried telling him but he will not listen."

"He does love you, he just doesn't think _you_ do. He doesn't want to act on his feeling because he doesn't want to lose your friendship. Just… tell him. It'll be fine."

"Oh… okay. Thank you." Cas left with a flutter of wings. Moriarty went up to Sherlock, fuming.

"I wasn't finished with him! You can't just barge in here and make everything okay, it's no fun!" Moriarty pouted. "I bet if Crowley and Aziraphale were here you'd get them together!"

"Do you want me to tie him up and gag him?" Sebby asked.

Moriarty grinned. "Great idea."

They tied Sherlock up and gagged him with starberry-laces. The 8th Doctor walked in from the mess room, wearing his 'Arshey and FaroreWorldshaper are awesome' t-shirt, and frowned at them.

"I don't think you should be doing that."

"Oh okay, we really shouldn't be. But it's fun. Anyway, we were just off now to meet Captain Jack Harkness and tell him about Horrible Histories, weren't we Sebby?" Moriarty replied. Sebby nodded, and they both walked out of the front door and straight into Mordor.

The Doctor used his magic Necromancy wand (yes, a wand!) to undo Sherlock's bonds. He was about to ask about Sherlock's humiliation when-

"Where's John?" Sherlock asked suddenly, getting used to being able to speak once more, and trying to change the subject as quickly as possible.

"I don't know! He's _your_ companion!" the Doctor said, still in a bit of a mood, probably over the fact that My Chemical Romance had still not got back together. mychembitches agreed with him.

"Alone on the water!" Sherlock said suddenly.

"Huh? What's that, Sherly-Curls?" The Doctor asked, confused at Sherlock's sudden outburst.

"It says_; copy this into your profile_. Does that mean something to you?" Sherlock asked, looking at the screen of his 3DS, where Professor Layton was asking him to solve the riddle of the Scooby-Doo imposter.

"Nope, not at all Sherly."

"Don't call me Sherly, I'm Sherlock. And it appears we've landed." Sherlock said, brushing the sherbet that had settled on his shoulders off, and striding towards one of the doors that led off into the TARDIS. There was a poster tapped to the door, and he peered at it, trying to read the writing that had started to melt away.

"What does it say?" The Doctor asked cautiously.

"Something about… keep calm and… _fangirl?_ on. And something else about… a skull called Skulduggery. And… TheDoctorSherlockedHarleyQuinn is here to help, according to this… there's something about the colour of magic… and there's a Kiwi bird and a jabberwocky that want to be reunited with a… Singing River, apparently."

"A singing river? Do you mean River Song?"

"No, I mean a singing river. Really Doctor, keep up!"

"Oh, well _sorry _for looking for a meaning in all this nonsense!" The Doctor said sarcastically.

"Thank you, I would have thought you knew there was no point trying to decipher this gibberish." Sherlock said, obviously not understanding the Doctor's sarcasm.

"Anyway, where's John? Does he know we landed?" Sherlock asked. He reached his hand up to the door, but as he brushed his fingers against the blue wood he got a nasty electric shock, and then the TARDIS tipped over and all was dark.

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**Thanks for reading! You're all awesome, especially the ones I've mentioned! LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!**


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